Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to be one

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So here's a little TMI about the secks with Myles because oh my god secks with Myles!
We spent the night together in a motel in a town 100km (62 miles) away from where I live but in the scheme of things he lives over 2000km away so having him so close and not seeing him would have been pretty shitty.

We had a couple of beers and laid on the bed watching tv then we got nekkid!

He's like my perfect sexual match. His penis is the perfect size for me width, length, the whole thing, perfect. He has that mix of rough but sensual. A pull of the hair here a nibble of the shoulder there. He doesn't make me feel like I'm being hammered. He's so unselfish. I don't have the best range of motion in my hips or hammies and I cramp up a lot but he just adjusts me so I'm comfortable and just let's me lay there.

Apart from the actual secks being the kind I always want forever and ever after the secks is amazing too.

We just laid on the bed nekkid watching tv, him running his hands all over me, little kisses on the forehead. I have NEVER been comfortable enough to just lay around completely naked and uncovered with anyone before. I'm a total under the covers kind of girl. If I get up to go to the toilet, i alway put something on to cover up. But with Myles I'm fine I don't think about it. I do catch myself staring at his penis a lot though, because it's perfect!!!

We fell asleep in each other's arms and apart from a few moments we were physically in contact by some body part all night. Most of the night I slept on his chest or his arm whilst we held hands.

I woke up to hands running over my body and a deep kiss. He asks me if I'm awake before touching and is soft and gentle and god is there a better way to wake up than having your clit massaged.

He's on top of me and I love it. His weight is perfect, I love a body on top of me but not where you feel you are bing squashed, just that weight of a man and that skin on skin contact.

Morning secks is awesome and despite morning breath he continues to kiss me deep.

I've completely forgotten now that there is every possibility that he has a girlfriend. I no longer care, I want his secks and I don't care for the consequences. Am I a bad person for being that selfish? I mean I still don't know 100% if the girl on Facebook is a girlfriend and other than I'm a mosey stalker I have no reason to ask. But am I a bad person for not giving a shit either way. I can almost without a doubt say that him having a girlfriend will not stop me from sleeping with him. I've never been good at taking the moral high ground and my moral compass has never pointed due north. And I'm totally in the wrong if I willingly continue to sleep with him if I do find out for certain. And this is why I want to just be stupidly naive and not find out.

Things that confuse me about us though are the things that I love. Having had many one night stands and fuck buddies over the years the rules of physical contact are pretty much universal. Do the secks then get on opposite sides of the bed and no touching unless it's secks time again. No snuggling, no spooning and definitely no holding hands. All of these things though are happening and are instigated by him. Another big no of the fuck buddy code I'm used to is the morning kiss. Maybe a little side mouth action but definitely not full blown tongues to back of throat. Oh and eye contact, he stares in to me, he smiles. All these things as far as I have been aware are to be saved for actual relationships. These small physical gestures are covered with emotional attachment and have no place in any casual relationship I've been in before. But I'm not complaining, I love falling asleep wrapped up in someone.

As a single I don't just miss the secks side of things. I miss the little things, the hand holding, the intertwined legs, spooning. Those are things I want almost as much as the secks itself!

He left for work and his smell is all over me, I don't want to wash it off.

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Ahhhh!!! Sounds amazing!!! So happy for you!!

It's so amazing and I'm so lost in happiness when I'm with him. But he's not mine to keep and he's not back here till next March. I feel like saying goodbye would be so much easier if there wasn't the hand holding and the cuddling. But I wouldn't give that up because that's the best part!

oh god that sounds fucking perfect! <- pun intended

it's so good you feel comfy nekkid too. that's such a liberating feeling and it's hot running round in the rudey nudey all the time (sexy hot not temperature hot).

i feel you on missing affection. it's probably this week that it's bang on 2 years since Si and i broke up and in that time there's been zero male affection. i'm not whingeing but man i have to get the nerve up and get on OkStupid!

Might you go up to the goldie to see him? if it was me i wouldn't be entirely upset he's not from the same city because it gives time to adjust before you go from single to full-on relationship, but March is a long time!

also, i don't think it's weird in the slightest that you drove 100ks to see him, maybe it's just me but that doesn't seem that far, and you do have to make compromises in an LDR or potential LDR situation (I spent the weekend in fucking Canberra*!)

this all sounds good and i am super excited for you! enjoy those happy post-secks hormones!

* I don't actually mind Canberra and don't find it as boring as many do, but it's way too hot in summer and way too cold in winter for me!

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